We sat down with Vhi Clinical Psychologist, Dr Ruth McIntyre, as she explains inner dialogue and how it’s formed and influenced. We discuss if menopause can impact our inner dialogue and whether social media has a part to play. 

What is inner dialogue, and when do we start to experience it?

Inner dialogue is how we talk to ourselves, in our mind and through our thoughts. It is self-to-self communication and is also known as an ‘inner voice’ or ‘internal monologue’. While children’s language abilities are developing, they will often talk aloud to themselves; it’s almost like a running commentary on their actions and play. Dr McIntyre explains that sometime before the age of seven, this running commentary starts to become internalised as inner thoughts and dialogue. It’s around this time that children start to think more and become more able to articulate their thoughts and ideas, including their fears and worries. This is because their inner world has “started to become richer” and more developed. Our inner dialogue is important because it helps us to be creative, reflect on situations, make decisions, problem solve and respond to interactions and events.

How does inner dialogue become more positive or negative over time?

There are various factors that shape how positive or negative our inner dialogue will be. Temperament and personality will play a role with some people being naturally more or less positive or negative in their thinking. The experiences we have in life may also shape our inner dialogue. For example, children who receive lots of praise and encouragement develop a positive view of themselves, which may mean they are more likely to think more positively about themselves. Dr McIntyre notes that people are predisposed to be somewhat negative in their thoughts. This is due to evolution and the human need to be cautious of threats. 

Some people don’t have an inner dialogue. Instead, they might process their thoughts through images rather than an inner voice.

Does a positive inner dialogue become more difficult during menopause?

This will depend on how you feel about all the changes that are happening during menopause. If you’ve found treatments and lifestyle tips that work for you and your menopause symptoms, you may find your inner dialogue isn’t negatively impacted at all. If you’re having a harder time coping with your symptoms or haven’t yet settled on strategies that work best for you, you may be more inclined to have negative inner dialogue. The same is true if the natural changes that occur at this life stage - in work and home life, for instance - are hard for you to deal with. Dr McIntyre says it’s individual, however, and menopause does not guarantee a less positive inner dialogue. Remember, if you find yourself struggling emotionally or physically during menopause, reach out to your healthcare provider for guidance. 

Is positive inner-dialogue more important than ever during menopause?

Dr McIntyre explains that it’s less about having a positive inner dialogue and more about a compassionate inner dialogue. Self-compassion is helpful at all stages of life, and certainly during times of change like menopause. Instead of trying to force yourself to think positively, try to allow yourself to feel your emotions and be empathetic towards what you’re experiencing. Thinking this way will guide you toward what you need to do to support yourself. It will also help you address what you need during menopause; more than forced positive thinking could.

Is inner dialogue connected to self-esteem? Does self-esteem need to be in a good place before we can practise positive inner dialogue?

Self-esteem and inner dialogue may be connected, but Dr McIntyre says we don’t need good self-esteem to have positive inner dialogue, and vice versa. In actual fact, it’s not a bad or abnormal thing to have some negative inner dialogue. Trying to achieve positive inner dialogue in its place can be an unhelpful and exhausting goal. Instead, Dr McIntyre recommends acknowledging our negative thoughts and seeing them as just that; thoughts. We don’t need to act on them or focus on them. Instead, we can notice or observe them and allow them to pass by in our minds. Choosing to behave in helpful ways that align with our personal values is more important and impactful for our mental health.

If your negative inner dialogue is mostly criticising your own actions, appearance or abilities, and is impacting your mental health, this is something you can work on. Take a look at our blog on ‘How to overcome negative self-talk during perimenopause and menopause’ for Dr McIntyre’s tips.

Can social media negatively impact our inner dialogue?

Social media strongly impacts how we think about ourselves. We can’t help but compare ourselves to what we see on social media. These will often be negative comparisons and leave us feeling like we’re falling short somehow. This could provoke negative inner dialogue. Dr McIntyre suggests being aware of how you feel and think when you use social media. You’ll probably find that your stream of thoughts focuses on how your appearance, your job, your home or your relationships are different to what you’re seeing on your screen. You can try to change how you think when using social media, but truthfully, people are designed to compare themselves to others. Instead, notice the thoughts that arise and ask yourself how helpful it is to pay attention to these thoughts and if the answer is they aren’t helpful, then practice letting these thoughts go.

You may also want to consider whether it’s truly in your best interests to engage with social media that makes you feel negative about yourself. It might be more helpful to seek out accounts that have a positive impact, feel helpful and that you enjoy. If your inner dialogue is impacted by menopause, keep in mind that it’s completely normal and acceptable to have negative thoughts. The important thing is choosing not to focus or act on them. Although your menopause symptoms might result in more negative inner dialogue than usual, the key is not to force positive thoughts in their place, but to speak to yourself with compassion and understanding. And when you need an extra helping hand, always reach out to your healthcare provider.

This content is for information purposes only and is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek advice from your GP or an appropriate medical professional if you have concerns about your health, or before commencing a new healthcare regime. If you believe that you are experiencing a medical emergency call 999 / 112 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

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