Why your teen’s mood fluctuates
If there’s one thing that’s synonymous with teenagers, it’s probably mood swings! Mood fluctuations are a normal part of growing up, and we’ve all been there. What causes these emotional changes? What can parents do to help their teen manage the ups and downs? And when can we expect things to level out? Vhi clinical psychologist, Dr Aoife Dáibhis, brings us up to speed.
The driving forces behind your teen’s fluctuating mood
Teenagers really have my sympathy when it comes to all the emotional and physical changes they’re going through! We can be quick to complain about our ‘moody’ teens, but mood fluctuations are an inevitable part of adolescence. There is a range of reasons for these fluctuations, including surges in hormones, as well as having to handle:
- Changes to their appearance and body.
- Developments to their personality/identity, which continues well into their 20s. They’re figuring out their place in the world and how they fit into their group. Are they the funny one or the fashionable one or the sporty one? It’s important for teens to try different ‘hats’ as they come into their own. But it’s understandable that mixed emotions might come into play as they learn what feels comfortable for them.
- Shifts in relationships dynamics, from parents to peers. As teens, we often move away slightly from our family and start to rely on our peers more than we did before, and that’s totally normal.
- Academic pressures. The change from primary to secondary school is huge and can feel like added weight to a teen’s shoulders. As they grow older, questions about college and next steps start to loom, too.
Younger teens are what we call ‘egocentric’; they are hyper-focused on themselves and assume everyone else must be too. In practical terms, it means that they worry that the people around them will judge how they look, what they say, and what they do, so they tend to be very self-conscious and get embarrassed easily. This puts their focus on fitting in with peers as much as possible, even during times that it doesn’t come naturally. This type of pressure is inevitably going to impact their mood. With older teens, they experience a sense of growing up, and this helps them to relate to the world and others around them in a new way. But we also expect more from teens as they grow older, and these new expectations and responsibilities can affect their mood too.
Mood regulation is more difficult for teens because the surges in hormones are new, and they need time to adapt. Their brains are still developing, so the areas that control reasoning and planning are still very much a work in progress! Adolescence is a time for firsts too, and experiencing anything for the first time can be difficult - first friendship loss, first heartbreak, first time failing a test―and will for sure impact mood.
Mood changes that aren’t typical
As a parent, you can expect an array of teenage mood swings that are nothing to worry about. Outbursts like “I told you to drop me off further down the road! Nobody else gets dropped to the door!” are far from rare. Teens will withdraw somewhat from parents and family and their interests can shift too. For example, they used to ask you to have movie days at home, but now they ask to go to the cinema with friends instead. This is totally normal. But if they’re consistently withdrawing - trying to spend all their time alone in their bedroom, for instance, it’s time to chat with them and your healthcare provider about it. As a parent, you need to have sufficient contact and interaction with your teen so that you can gauge their typical mood and behaviour and notice if anything changes or is amiss. If they’re pulling back from friends, family, and a lot of the things they used to enjoy doing, it’s a good idea for you to intervene and make sure things are okay. Always speak to your healthcare provider if you see a drastic change in your teen or feel worried about how they’re coping with things. If the mood swings are extreme, and you can tell your teen is less in control of how they behave or the things they say, it’s a good idea to get the support of your healthcare provider - you don’t have to manage these things on your own.
Keeping an eye on the basics for your teen’s mood
Food, sleep and movement are three of the main pillars of mood. Your teen is set up well if you’re ensuring these three things are in check:
- Food: your teen needs to be regularly eating balanced meals, around every three to four hours. Big gaps between meals are likely to have a negative impact on your teen’s mood. Allow for snacks between meals to help keep their energy and mood up. Breakfast before school is vital; if your teen is not in the habit of eating breakfast, start smaller if necessary, and build up to a breakfast that is sufficient to meet their nutritional needs.
- Sleep: a consistent sleep schedule is so important for growing teens. They should be hitting 8-10 hours’ sleep per night as much as possible. If they aren’t, you’ll need to work together to figure out a new schedule, so they do get enough sleep each night.
- Movement: exercise is excellent for mood. This will be easier if your teen is involved in sports, but you can encourage movement outside of sport too. You could suggest walks together two or three evenings a week, or maybe a family hike each weekend. Encourage them to swim each week or even to start a dance class with a friend. Whatever movement makes them happy is fine.
Managing your teen’s mood swings within the home
As I’ve mentioned, making sure your teen sleeps enough, eats well and gets out of the house for exercise will all help with their mood. But that may not always mean it’s smooth sailing at home! There can still be mood swings that will impact the environment at home, especially if there are younger siblings confused by their older brother or sister behaving differently than before. Be open with your younger children and help them understand that their older sibling is getting a bit older and sometimes needs more time alone. Speak to your teen about the need to be kind to their younger siblings, who don’t understand everything that comes with growing up. If your teen isn’t receptive to these kinds of chats, keep these tips in mind:
- Listen to what they have to say about the situation.
- Validate their feelings.
- Be firm but calm if you need to help them understand why there needs to be ground rules.
It’s completely acceptable, and important, for you to put boundaries in place if your teen’s behaviour is upsetting others at home. Ground rules and respectful expectations around how everyone behaves in the home are important. These ground rules also apply to us as parents; we should model good emotional regulation, compassion and respect to set the tone in the household. It’s a multi-way street within the home, with a bit of team effort needed.
Helping your teen manage the ups and downs of their moods
So, you’ve set the ground rules in the home, which should help keep things running smoothly. But what about helping your teen to better understand why they might be feeling so differently lately? And to help them manage their emotions in a way that feels helpful to them? The first port of call is to give your teen as much information about puberty and adolescence as you can, so they understand what’s happening within their body. This can take some anxiety out of the situation and will lay the groundwork for continuously having open and honest conversations going forward. Explain all the things that are known to help with mood; sleep, eating well and often, getting fresh air, spending time with friends, keeping up with hobbies or trying brand-new hobbies.
Let them know their opinion is important and ask them what things make them feel happy or less stressed. This helps to validate that you understand they are growing up and have their own opinions. This is a great time to teach them all about self-care and how important it is that we listen to our bodies and do things that protect our well-being. Introduce them to tools like breathing exercises, journaling, stretching, massage and relaxing baths. Help them discover ways to regulate their mood and let them know you’re always there, even just for company if they aren’t in the mood to chat, and also that space and time alone is okay too.
When to expect mood swings to start slowing down
This will be individual for each teen, but when the later teen years (17, 18 and 19) come, things should be far calmer and more consistent. Certain times, like the leaving cert, will undoubtedly affect their mood and that’s okay. But older teens should be settling well into themselves and have learned strategies to manage stress or low mood. They might even be happy to help younger siblings that are dealing with their own teenage mood swings!
If you’re concerned that your teenager is withdrawing socially more than you’d expect, have a read of my blog, titled ‘Why is my teen withdrawing from social activity?’ for some guidance about the causes and when you might need some extra support.
This content is for information purposes only and is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek advice from your GP or an appropriate medical professional if you have concerns about your health, or before commencing a new healthcare regime. If you believe that you are experiencing a medical emergency call 999 / 112 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
Meet our Vhi Verified Expert
Dr Aoife Dáibhis
Vhi Senior Clinical Psychologist